I think of how empowered I am and how lost I am, all at the same time. I read the Scriptures and I think, "Wow, how God loves me. How incredible I must be to Him. How awesome are His ways and His thoughts toward me." And this being true. I look up from the page and I'm like, okay, so now what do I do? I'm housing all this magnificence inside me. The power of Christ resurrected lives in me. I am effective and unproductive, all at once. At times, overwhelmed by my calling, yet disappointed by my progress. I ask, "Lord, what would you have me do right now, in this moment?" I've asked a million times before. And I feel like I keep getting the same answer: Write.
The murkiness sets in. Well, I am. I have a blog and I write when I can. I also have bills to pay and a family to take care of. Surely, you must also require me to work?! Again, my thoughts are conflicted and my actions divided. How can I get anywhere like this? How can I gain any momentum, always confused? Confusion turns into frustration; frustration employs idleness, and I feel the enemy is winning. And only by user error, not because he has the power to win. The enemy takes the win by forfeit, because I didn't show up to the field, because I got lost en route to the fight. I lose due to lack of focus. Which way did he go, George?
Oh, the patience of God. Do you know how many times I've been here? Round and round this same mountain? Too many to count. Lord, give me a sign. Ok, a different sign. Ok, a clearer sign.
Have you already been told what you should be doing? Has the Lord spoken to you about what changes He'd like you to make? The direction He'd like you to go? Is there a theme that continues to pop up in your life that you keep dismissing? Perhaps you have as much clarity as you need but you lack the courage to take the first step in that direction. Apparently, it's not going to change. You can keep asking God to lead you and guide you, but his plans for your life will not change because you keep asking, hoping you'll hear something more acceptable this time.
I've had so many jobs 'mon. And I've worked in so many industries. Today, I surrendered my hopes and dreams to God, and asked the Lord to guide me and help me. What do you really want me to do? His answer is the same it's been since I was 12 years old: Write.
I hope this encourages you to listen to what the Lord is prompting you to do. He loves you and only wants the best for you. Trust Him. And by all means, don't wait 15 years like I did, hoping for a different response.
References:
Psalm 139
Romans 11:33-36
Galatians 2:20
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