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Journal Entry #2 - Proper Perspective

Reading "Gracelaced," by Ruth Chou Simons, I identified with one of the struggles she mentions about our salvation..."How is it that we fall at His feet when we first come to Him for salvation but then try to lean on our own worthiness to bring us back day after day?"

Being saved at a very young age, I have had all my ups and downs after being saved.  I should be stronger by now; I should be wiser by now; I should have more power; more faith.  Why am I not moving mountains, yet? How many times does God have to forgive me for this?  How can I still be making the same mistakes?  I struggled with heavy drinking in my past.  Heck, if you've been around me lately, you might say, I still do.  But I experienced a freedom from alcohol that I didn't have before, when I finally allowed God to get a hold of it.  Before, I protected it from Him, because I wasn't sure I wanted to be healed.  I thought, it's not that bad and I love going to different lounges and having fun.  I didn't really want to give that up.  However, after a glaring setback that left me scared of the face I saw in the mirror, I had no choice but to receive His help.  I'm not the best example, because I still drink today.  And if I have too many drinks, I feel guilt and shame.  Lord, I've been here before, and you've healed me.  I'm so sorry to end up back before you again with this!

I don't know what it is for you, the thorn you struggle with.  The conflict inside that makes your stomach turn. To think you'll never really be free of something.  To tread lightly around this one issue for fear of falling again.  Let's put things in proper perspective.  If you are saved, you are a new creation.  If you are saved, you are free.  The truth sometimes is so simple, it can be hard to believe.

If I struggle, I struggle with God on my side, on my team, cheering me on to victory.  If I feel guilt  because I've messed up, I must listen to His voice when He tells me there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, and most importantly, I must receive it.  If I feel ashamed of how I've acted, He will ask, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.  If I ask when will I get passed this, when will I escape from this thorn? He will remind me of Paul, who remained humble because of his perpetual thorn.  We have issues with sin, God doesn't.  God used to have an issue with sin, He sent his Son to take care of it.  However, we live in a fallen world where sin is prevalent.  God can use it.  He uses the pain of sin to bring some to repentance.  He uses the consequences of sin to bring some to salvation.  He uses the temptations of sin to bring some to dependence upon Him.  He uses the thorn of sin to keep some of us humble.  Sure, sin is terrible, but God is incredible.  I awe at the infinite wisdom of the Creator.  His infinite wisdom to use any circumstance to accomplish his purpose. Infinite wisdom drenched in love for us.


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